Mean Big Mouth

By Ed Staskus

   After he was sure his spot in the forest was the loneliest spot in the forest, MechaGodzilla settled down and checked his weapons. He was built of space titanium and could launch missiles from his fingers and toes. He fired energy beams from his eyes and chest. He could flash on a force field that shocked and repelled his enemies. Even if his head was cut off, he was able to stay in the fight. He had a new “Head Controller” that took over, firing concentrated lasers the same as before.

   He was going to take care of Godzilla and his little friend, Oliver, the Unofficial Monster Hunter of Lake County. If Emma, Oliver’s older sister and right-hand man, butted in, he would take care of her, too. He didn’t care who got in his way. He was going to have his way with Godzilla, once and for all.

   Godzilla was on a world tour helping promote his new movie, “Godzilla vs. Kong.” When he tried to land at the Atlas Cinema Great Lakes Stadium in Mentor, Ohio their parking lot was too small for him, so he landed in the bigger Home Depot parking lot next door. The general manger came out to complain, but after he looked up at Godzilla, who roared a hello, he went back into the store and wasn’t seen again for three days, locking himself in his office.

   The movie theater manager had rolled out the red carpet for Godzilla, but after his little toe hooked it, ripping it to shreds, they sent a maintenance man to sweep up the shreds and get rid of the rest of the carpet. DQ Grill made the biggest ice cream cone in the history of DQ and sent a young counter girl hired yesterday out with it.

   “Why me?” she complained.

   The other employees nudged her out the door. Godzilla liked the ice cream cone so much he gave the girl a ride on his back, rocketing up and over Lake Erie, to Cleveland for a bird’s eye view of downtown, and buzzed her home near Concord, sending her parents and the neighborhood into a panic.

   When she walked back into DQ she was promoted on the spot.

   The first time they fought, MechaGodzilla was overpowered when King Caesar joined forces with Godzilla. They defeated him by chopping his head off and blowing his body apart. The second time they fought it was more of the same. The rebuilt MechaGodzilla was juiced up with human brain cells. He tag-teamed with Titanosaurus, who wasn’t much help, however. He survived losing his head again, but when his master’s controls went haywire, Godzilla used his atomic heat ray on MechaGodzilla’s headless body, causing it to explode again. 

   The third time should have been the charm, but it wasn’t meant to be.

   The even newer MechaGodzilla overpowered Godzilla but got zapped by an electrical back surge Godzilla made happen, whether he knew what he was doing, or not. When he was rewired, he was rewired as Super MechaGodzilla. Rodan was in the neighborhood and told Godzilla he would be glad to help. Godzilla was crippled when his second brain under his tail was destroyed and Rodan was hurt bad. He wasn’t going to make it, so he gave up what life force he had left to revive Godzilla, who used his new red spiral atomic breath to destroy the not-so-super-after-all MechaGodzilla.

   But a bad penny always turns back up. The bad penny sulked and smoldered in the forest behind Oliver’s house in Perry, not far from Mentor. When the movie star showed up to visit his grandchild Goo Goo’s friend is when he would make his move. If anybody got in his way, he would move on them, too. He was sick and tired of being on the losing end.

   After the premiere of the movie Godzilla took questions, signed autographs, stood for selfies, and finally sacked out on the Home Depot parking lot. When the general manager came out of his office in the middle of the night to see if the coast was clear and heard Godzilla snoring, he went right back to his office and locked himself in again.

   Oliver and Emma got up early and went for a walk in the forest while their mom made breakfast. Godzilla liked eating fish and krill, Jello, cars, helicopters, and radio towers. She made him a humongous Jello salad and made it look like a car. Oliver’s father went out into their back yard with a spray paint can. He sprayed “EAT THIS” on the base of the 150-foot-tall cell phone tower that had recently been erected on the border of their property.

   “That thing is an eyesore,” he groused to himself spray painting “TASTY” below “EAT THIS.”

   Oliver and Emma were wearing black from tip to toe. They both had on balaclavas. A thunderstorm was brewing, coming fast. Emma saw MechaGodzilla first and stopped dead in her tracks. Oliver was picking up worms for Godzilla. They were good for his big buddy’s digestion. He looked back at his sister.

   “What’s wrong,” he asked.

    “Look,” Emma said pointing a shaking finger at the gleaming metallic menacing monster MechaGodzilla.

   They slipped behind a tree.

   “Wait until it starts storming and raining,” Oliver said. “Then follow my lead. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back.”

   When the storm broke Oliver stepped out into the open and waved his arms over his head.

   “Hey, you big lunkhead, over here.”

   MechaGodzilla turned his head and muttered.

   Oliver threw a rock at him. It clanged off the beast harmlessly. MechaGodzilla looked down at the boy, who looked like an insect to him. Sticks and stones weren’t going to hurt him. He ignored the monster hunter.

   “You are just an old heap of scrap metal,” Oliver shouted.

  MechaGodzilla didn’t like that. He started shooting laser beams. Oliver and Emma ran the other way. It was raining harder and harder, lightning bolts crisscrossing the sky. They burst out of the forest into the clearing behind their house, MeachaGodzilla hard on their heels. Laser beams were blasting from every part of him.

   Suddenly the sky boomed and cracked, and a lightning bolt zigzagged down from a mass of black clouds. It hit MechaGodzilla on the top of the head and stopped him dead in his tracks. Every part of him went crazy and he lit up like a carnival sideshow. When the show was over the new-style Frankenstein toppled over, smoke dribbling out of the seams of him. 

   He lay there like a heap of old scrap metal.

   “You took a big chance doing what you did,” his dad, an electrical engineer, said when the family gathered at the feet of the fallen monster after the rain stopped.

   “Yes and no, dad,” Oliver said. “You always say to be careful during thunderstorms, but not to worry about metal attracting lightning, because that is a myth. You told us height, isolation, and a pointy shape are what make it likely a lightning bolt will strike. I was sure once Emma and I got him out in the open, since he had a pointy head and was so big, lightning would strike, and it did.”

   Just then Godzilla came walking up. His head whipped around when he saw MechaGodzilla laying in the weeds. He walked towards him, eyeing him carefully, and bumped into the cell phone tower right in front of him. His nose was in the lead and took the bump full force. Godzilla jumped back, roared, and unleashed his atomic fire breath on the tower. It sizzled and melted to the ground, smoking and groaning next to MechaGodzilla. All the phones in the neighborhood stopped working.

   “Good riddance,” Oliver’s dad said.

Ed Staskus posts feature stories on 147 Stanley Street and Cleveland Daybook To get the site’s monthly feature in your in-box click on “Follow.”